Why do I write?

Friday night, my dad, who was out of town for the weekend, called me to ask about my latest posting on Facebook, to see if everything was ok. I was caught off guard by the call (my dad is not exactly the most...easiest person to talk to when it comes to emotional things), and it made me think. He said to me he doesn't understand why I post things online for 'all the world' to read, because he's old-school, and would rather deal with things face-to-face. I can respect that; through everything, I thought my mom was keeping him informed on the well-being of his second daughter, but apparently that wasn't the case.

But it got me thinking, why do I write? Why do I feel the need to post my life on the internet, as I'm doing right now? It's mostly cathartic for me; it helps me take what I'm dealing with internally and get it OUT. Most times when I write, I don't care who reads it - I just put it out there so I can make peace with what's on my mind and move on. I will do this, as many friends have experienced, when I need to address an issue one-on-one; I will email exactly what's on my mind and why, and get it out there.

I've learned to not edit my writing, otherwise I tend to change what I say to make it sound 'less dramatic', and I won't do that anymore. If I feel it's dramatic, then DAMMIT, that's what it is!

I have found myself praying more and more every day, trying to clear the roadblock from my path. Six months ago, I began this same process, except at that time it was for the fork in the road and which path I should choose. As I prayed, the answer became clearer and clearer to me, and I just KNEW what I needed to do for myself. I chose a path, and now, four months later, I have hit my first roadblock. Sure, there were other minor bumps in the path, but they were mere pebbles along the way, easily tossed aside. This time, it's a boulder. I can't toss it aside like all the rest; it is beyond my level of strength at the moment. I can't turn around either, because the path behind has become overgrown and unmanageable. So I pray for more strength, and I pray for an answer to what lies behind the boulder. Unlike the last time, I'm not getting an answer. This is frustrating, because I don't like being stagnant; I don't like being sedentary. I need to keep moving down the path of my life, and this boulder is just blocking it up. I realize that the Lord works on his own schedule, and that what may seem like ages waiting for an answer, it is but a mere SECOND to Him, but still... I don't like feeling lost and I don't like feeling alone. Through all this, I don't lose faith; I know in time an answer will be there, and I will know, as I knew before, what the right course of action is.

Jesus died for my sins; He died so I would not have to suffer and so I can have a place in His kingdom for all eternity. I know that my 'suffering' at the moment does not compare to the suffering He took away, but it would be nice to have this suffering gone too.

This is why I write. I can empty my head a little, and hopefully get sleep.