Soooo....

I should be getting the news any day now on whether or not I got the position in the Boston office. If they do offer it to me, I hope they offer it at the same pay I'm at - I can't afford to live there otherwise, and will be forced to take a job outside the company (at least that's what I fear). Everything sounds promising that I will get it, I just don't know yet because no one has contacted me yet... This makes for one sad Darby... Well, really, more a neurotic, emotional MESS Darby. I think today is a new record - I made it to lunchtime without feeling the urge to cry - so that's a start in the right direction I suppose.

Now I know some of you reading this may ask yourselves 'Why the fuck are you crying now, ya big baby?'... Well, I'll tell you why... because I'm scared. No, strike that - I'm terrified. I have prayed for months over whether or not this is my path or if I'm just forcing something to happen, and as every piece fell into place without my involvement (except for applying for the job), I saw an answer to my prayers. Now that I'm on my way, full speed ahead, to get this done - I'm overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the guilt many friends and family members have put on me (whether the realized they were doing it or not), telling me they'll never see me again, that it's too far away, etc etc etc...Overwhelmed by the idea of living in a city where I only know a handful of people, many of them I have not met yet... it's just a LOT to take in at once. Many days this past week I have broken down in tears at my desk, just trying to deal with it all, because I can't slow down my thought process.

But, here I sit, finishing my lunch and I haven't had the inkling to cry (yet). We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Guess it also helps that nothing has pissed me off yet today, and no one has been unintentionally rude to me yet, so... it's a good day, all things considered.

Here's hoping I get the news I want to hear sooner than later!

cheers!

D