Tonight, while drafting a rather difficult email to a friend, I realized something; I write much better than I speak. Don't get me wrong, those of you who know me in real life and have heard me speak - I am rarely at a loss for words, but I realized that I just write better than I speak. I have no speech impediments or a stutter or anything of the sort, I just can formulate thoughts quicker through writing than I can through speaking. And I can be more eloquent. Or more sarcastic. Or more to the point. More who I am on the inside.
Forgive me if any of this sounds a little off; I'm currently waiting for the second dose of Nyquil to kick in so I can hopefully sleep tonight, and my thoughts are running a million miles a minute, but through a watery grave.
The email I was drafting earlier was a rather heart-felt one, that bared a lot of my emotions than I was hoping to, but was too afraid to do verbally. I have this impending fear of rejection with everything, that if I have to ask something of someone, or address a concern with someone, I have a fear of being rejected and turned away. I don't rightly know why, but that's just how I am.
I can joke around with just about any of my friends (male and female alike) about anything under the sun - because I'm joking. The minute I truly feel that way, I clam up like a 15 year old girl about to ask her first crush if he'll dance with her at the Sadie Hawkins Dance (ok, my school has never held a 'Sadie Hawkins' dance, and I have no clue as to what that actually is, but whatever - go with it). Just trying to convey my feelings to someone, I have a hard time doing it. Maybe it's because I'm out of practice? I don't know.
What I do know, right at this moment, the Nyquil is kicking in, and before I start seeing double really badly, I'm going to end my blog for now...
g'night.
No comments:
Post a Comment