I'm putting myself out there by posting this, however it has been on my mind way too much these past few days to really stay quiet about it anymore. All names (except for myself and Sky's) have been changed to protect those involved, though I know if they read this, they will figure it out. And right now, I don't rightly care.
I love my friends dearly, new and old; my friends and family always come first to me, and always will. Now, I have only heard one side of the coming story, but even with just the one side, I am shocked, concerned, and a little angry over the situation, though it doesn't involve me - all because I love my friends.
I am friends with this couple, who I will call Mr. and Mrs. X, and another couple, who I will call Mr. and Mrs. Z. Earlier this week, I received an email from Mrs. X, telling me she & the Mr. were no longer speaking to or friends with the Z's. I gave my condolences, and said I hope everything was OK, but didn't pry any further. I had a feeling I knew what it was about, because Mrs. X had told me a few months ago about things Mr. Z was saying and emailing to her, but I kept myself out of it. A few days later, Mrs. Z emailed me and asked if I had heard from Mrs. X lately. I replied that I had, and what little she had told me, and that I hoped everything was OK - again, I didn't want to pry, because not all of my friend's business is my business.
Her reply came a bit later, saying that if by OK I meant that Mrs. X was sleeping with Mr. Z and that now Mr. & Mrs. Z were getting a divorce, then all is OK. I was shocked by this, and a little angry. During the few times Mrs. X and I had talked about Mr. Z's advances towards her, I had told her that if she valued her friendship with them and valued her marriage, she would tell him to stop. She had responded that the attention he gave her made her feel sexy again, and made her want to be with her husband more intimately. Now, I can relate to the attention making you feel better about yourself; I had found myself in that very predicament on a few occasions over the years with various guy friends, but never let it get to that extent - because I valued myself enough to not ruin an already rocky marriage by doing something I would later regret. Even after I had left Sky and knew it was going to turn to a divorce, I did not make a move on advances I had received, out of respect for him and myself.
Now for my conundrum; Mrs. X and I have known each other and been friends since childhood. I have known Mr. X for as long as they've been together - I think about 10 years now. I have known Mr. Z for just over 10 years, and just recently got to know Mrs. Z over the past year. Right now, I am torn in my allegiance; my support is fully behind Mrs. Z, as she is the innocent bystander in all of this, however my lengthy past with Mrs. X is continually on my mind. Knowing the issues I have had over the years with Mrs. X, I can see how this came about that she would befriend Mrs. Z and then pull the rug out from under her by having sex with Mr. Z. And the worst part of it all - she TOLD Mrs. Z she did it, and ended the friendship. How can I, as a friend, trust someone like that? That's my conundrum. I already know I will never speak to Mr. Z again, as I stopped talking to him 10 years ago for a reason, and only recently started again because I thought he had changed. I did not expect to meet Mrs. Z and find myself basically "choosing" her over a long-time friend, but I feel like that's what I'm doing. I don't want to have to, but really - could I ever trust Mrs. X again?
I don't want to lose the friendship I had built with Mr. X either, as he too is an innocent bystander in all this. However, his decision to stay with Mrs. X and make it work...makes me wonder 1) if he even knows the extent the cheating went to, and 2) if he cares about himself at all anymore. He is a wonderful guy, and a good father. I know he is staying together for baby X, but sometimes that's not the best way to go. Mrs. X should know this, as her parents stayed together after a cheating incident, and have lived a miserable marriage ever since. It just doesn't work.
My heart broke when Mrs. Z told me what happened, because she is honestly the sweetest woman I have ever met. I can't wrap my head around why it happened, especially to her. I know she is married to an asshole, but I thought they had a good thing going. She is being so strong through all of this, and has taken the best actions she could possibly take by leaving him and getting a lawyer. I'm proud of her.
As for Mrs. X, I am ashamed of her, as well as Mr. Z. I am ashamed to know that she would be that miserable in her marriage and her life that, instead of trying to work on the problems and address them rationally, she chose to turn elsewhere. I know from her history with Mr. X that she has tried to work things out. The thing is, when it hits the point that things aren't working and you're tired of it, you should walk away. No amount of financial security (or any security) should make you stay in an unhappy marriage. Especially when someone else tries to ruin it. I am ashamed and sad for the X's. I am especially sad for baby X, because the rockiest part of their marriage will be burned into her tiny mind for her life, even if she doesn't directly remember it when she's older. No child should have to deal with that.
So, Mr. & Mrs. X, if you are reading this, I hope you two can live with yourselves. I honestly don't know if or when I will be around again, as this has shaken my trust in Mrs. X to the core.
And for Mrs. Z, if you read this, keep your strength going. God will see you through this and beyond. I am truly sorry this had to happen to you.
And to Mr. Z, good job on ruining two marriages, even if the X's stay together, it will be a long time before they find any sort of true happiness together. Way to be the ruiner of lives, once again. I hope God has reserved a special place for you, in cheaters Hell.
No comments:
Post a Comment