I spent Saturday evening playing with kids, specifically my niece Callie, goddaughter Josie, 'niece' Faith, and Madison, my friend Julie's daughter. There is nothing more uplifting then playing with toddlers. All (except for Faith) are 2 to 3 years old, and all are wonderful, happy little girls. Faith is 10 and is a great big sister to Josie and a great little girl. These kids renewed my sense of self-worth in a way; it made me see again just how much I want to have kids some day, and I really pray I have that opportunity in my future. I love all those kids so dearly.
From there, I went out for the evening with Angela, my best friend who I've known for 20 years. I love hanging out with Angela, because no matter how stressed or upset I get over life, she's always there to ground me and show me that life is fun and worth every bump in the road. We bar hopped, drank, and sang karaoke to the point that my voice is not all there today, and it was a blast. With all of my life drama, Angela is always there and I am thankful to have her in my life.
Sunday was spent working on my house with Sky. I spent six hours with Sky; that's the longest we have been around each other since I left five months ago. It was cathartic being with him for the day; we spent the majority of the time talking about his relationship with Andrea, and where it was going. The lonely side of me is a little jealous of his relationship, because he found what he and I didn't have, and I want to find that too. I had found it for a time, but that fell apart and now I'm moving on. I pray for him that he does not go through what I went through; it's bad enough that I hurt him like I did, I would truly hate to see Andrea hurt him too. He is very much in love with her, and he admitted that openly to me. It's odd that my soon-to-be ex husband and I are friends like that. I honestly enjoyed talking about all this with him, because it made my heart happy to see him so happy. He came back here to see my parents, which also made me happy. I know how hard this is on my mom and dad, because I know how much they love Sky and see him as their son. My heart does ache for that; I do wish that Sky and I were able to fix things between us, because he is a great guy and I know how much my family loves him. But I know it just wasn't meant to be that way, and seeing him happy helps that ache because he was never this happy in the 11 years we spent together.
All around, this past weekend was a good one. The tears still come on a regular basis (hell, I am crying on and off while writing this), but they are not really tears of sadness. Some of them are tears of longing, others are tears of joy. I let them come, because releasing them allows me to clear my mind and focus on what I need to; opening my heart to God's plan for me, and letting Him guide the way. My path lies before me, and right now it is filled with fog, so I can't see what's coming up ahead, and I am okay with this. I am okay because I know that God has me right where I am supposed to be, and is protecting me along the way. Life is about the journey, not about the destinations as we go along. For now, I am enjoying the journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment