I just don't understand what we are all here to do, where we're supposed to be going, and who is supposed to be with us along the roads we walk. I'm grateful and thankful for every person who has ever come into my life and affected me in one way or another, but sometimes...I just don't understand WHY things happen the way they do and turn out the way they do. There's no instruction manual to life, and that fucking blows. Like seriously, it's like watching a donkey show...scary, creepy, yet you can't walk away from it, and some parts just make you want to be sick. FUCK. I ask God every day to lend some direction, to look out for those I love, and heal those who are hurting... and yet nothing changes. WHY is that? Why are we meant to go through these trials? I know for myself it brings me to pray even more, and I get some solace from that; but for others...not so much. And that makes my heart ache in a way I cannot even begin to explain.
So, God, when does this nightmare end? Where's the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining to the dark cloud hanging around? This year has been by far one of the hardest years, emotionally, that I have ever had to endure. Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain and my emotions, even for just one day... I wish I could stop feeling everyone else's pain as if it were my own...
I wish I could fix everything, but I can't. So I pray. For forgiveness, for strength, and peace of mind. Now all I can do is wait.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
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