Normal is boring.

I've been MIA on here for some time, and my apologies to my faithful followers (if any of you are even still following me).

Here I sit, on my lunch hour, and I had something important I wanted to blog about, and now I forget. I got distracted by 1) reading my sister's recent blog posts (because she's got an insanely awesome style of writing and I love it) and 2) reading my OWN posts that I started months ago that are in drafts still (and will most likely stay that way forever by the sounds of them).

So, what the hell was I going to say???? OH YEAH!


Earlier today, my sister posted on Facebook that she's tired of being sick, and just wants to be 'normal' again. It made me think a lot about that whole "being normal" thing too many people get caught up by. For those who don't know, my sister has Multiple Sclerosis (MS), so she has her days where it totally kicks her ass & wipes her out, physically & emotionally. She's tired of "being sick" with it - which I get. But to want to be "normal" again? What is normal anymore? Who defines it? I get that she wants to go back to "Pre-MS" Jamie who didn't have those run down days - but what I think she doesn't see sometimes is that MS, as much as it sucks and is a disease I would not wish on ANYONE, it has really made her into a BETTER VERSION of herself. She's snarkier, she's blunter, more honest and more caring. MS has brought her to a state of mind that many people will NEVER reach - and I would never want that to change. Yes, I'd love it if she was miraculously cured of MS, but I'd want her to keep that same attitude that it seems to have spurred in her.

It is this that got me thinking about myself. I've spent so much time praying to God, asking him to just "give me my life back" - to work his Godly magic and spontaneously make me happy with my life, give me everything I want, and make life "perfect". Why would I want that? Yes, I know WHY, but really - perfection is overrated. God created me with my flaws, with my emotions, my insecurities, my everything - it's what makes me ME. And to ask him to change this in me is like saying "make me be someone else, because I don't like me anymore" - which is so far from the truth. Sure, I have my insecurities sometimes where I don't necessarily like something about myself (bad hair day, fat clothes day, lack of sleep & I'm feeling murderous kind of day) - but in the end, I still love who I am. Every last cell of my being, I love.

One of my continued 'insecurities' about myself is the constant "need" for validation; that "need" to be told I'm beautiful, to be told I'm loved. And for what? So I can have someone else boost my self-esteem?? I don't need someone to tell me I am beautiful - I already know it. That's not meant to sound conceited - it's honestly how I perceive myself. I may be over weight, I may have bad hair days, bad skin days, bad EVERYTHING days, but in the end I have a beautiful soul that no one can change. And I often find myself slipping into past actions, of hiding the beauty of my soul from those around me, for no real reason other than insecurity. For fear that they may not see that beauty the way I do. You know what?? It doesn't matter a flying fuck what others see in me. If they can see the beauty in me and love me, awesome. If they can't - oh well. It's their loss, really - not mine.

Love yourselves (ok, pervs - get your minds out of the gutter - I meant that figuratively, not literally), love all your imperfections perfectly. You were created exactly how God wanted you to be, and if you realize this love and let it shine unhindered - others will love you for the same reasons.

I'm FAR from normal, between my various forms of A.D.D. and my sometimes whimsically over-active imagination I've exhibited that. And that's exactly how I like it. Why would I want to be like anyone else but myself? I ask this same question of all of you - why would you want to be like anyone else?

With the state of this world the way it is, we all need to find something enjoyable and purely happy within ourselves. At the end of the day, we should all be able to go home and do/say something that just makes us giggle, smile, laugh hysterically. Normal is boring.