You get a FABULOUS blog idea, just after lunch at work, and you can't go on and write it because you just know that after the recent incident involving my blog and work has got this thing under surveillance now? And now that I'm HOME, I can't for the life of me remember what it was going to be about...
aaaaaand I seriously just remembered...(though it's really only a 'fabulous' blog idea to me)
Back in March or February or whenever the hell Ash Wednesday was, marking the start of Lent, I had made a joke that I was giving up sex, because I wasn't getting any ANYWAY. Well, I have always said that God has a great sense of humor, right? Well if I haven't said it before, I'm saying it now - God has a great sense of humor. Because during those 40 days of Lent, I did not have sex. Even had the chance to twice, and it just didn't happen. And to be honest, I'm glad it didn't; I'm proud that I went that long (and then some) without it.
I say that because (and yeah, sorry for the TMI people, but really, I'm a bluntly honest person with no shame, so get over yourselves) I love sex. Not like I'm a dirty whore and want to jump every guy I see (so not quite a nymphomaniac), I just truly enjoy it. I enjoy it with people I care about though; I can't seem to enjoy it much when it's someone I have no feelings for. I mean, I don't have to be in love with the person, but I do at least have to be attracted to and interested in the person. So for me, going on nearly 3 months without it - starting to get annoyed. Yes, I know there are numerous ways I can "take care of business" myself - however that's not the same. It doesn't satisfy quite right. I don't know if I'm a freak or what, I don't rightly care really - I'm just getting tired of waiting.
A friend of mine is abstaining before she gets married, and I have SO MUCH pride for her and her fiancée, because that would be the hardest thing for me to ever do. Like seriously - hard as hell. Maybe if I were in a committed relationship like hers, and he was just as committed to taking the abstinence vow - maybe I could do it. But I doubt it. I don't know if that would make me a bad person in God's eyes, but... I just don't think I could do it.
Anyway, long ramble short, I need to get laid...
2 comments:
Heya - i can so relate to this. It's HARD to walk in the faith when our feelings contradict it.
I just want to let you know, from the bottom of my heart, you are worth God's best, Darby. For real.
Question to consider: Why did Jesus hang on a cross, stripped down, naked, beaten and humiliated for you? The answer is the ONLY thing that keeps me motivated to "walk the straight & narrow". Lord knows I'm a mess when I lose sight of that.
love you! ...and your super cute haircut! :)
Thank you, Jen, I think I needed to hear that. The question posed really does help open my eyes a bit more. Jesus died for our sins; not so we can sin and sin again (though we are all sinners, even when trying our best not to be), but so we can live for Him and through Him. He died so we could live, and live in God's image...
I'm going to miss you at work, truly!! You are not only my sister in Christ, but a truly great friend! ♥ Love you too!
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