A letter to a former friend

Hey. 

I know, in your mind, you think we are still friends. That somehow, my forgiving you equates to we're cool. We aren't. And we won't ever be. Not because I don't miss the friendship we once had - because I do - but because I will never be the same in your eyes as I once was. 

Somewhere along the way, your vision of me became blurry; poisoned in a sense. I don't know if it was from you're other friends, wanting you to be on their level, wallowing in misery so they fed you lies, or if you were so unhappy with yourself you projected it onto me - I won't ever know. 

I do know you made this choice, not me - the second you showed your hand to me that day, and I saw in your eyes and heard in your words just how little you thought of me and how wrongly you viewed me - you basically forced my hand. 

Goodbyes are never easy for me, especially when I cared so much at one point. I DO still care, because no matter what, I will ALWAYS see the person I know you COULD be. I just won't be around to see it happen, if it ever does. 

At 35, I would think you'd be able to separate and recognize the friends who are here to lift you up from the friends who want to drag you down. You chose the latter. In all the things that hurt me, it was that choice. To know my friendship meant less to you than the toxic ones.  Ask them when was the last time I talked to them - they're answer would be months. I don't need or want toxic people in my life. 

Which is why, as much as I hate and as hard as goodbyes are, I have to walk away.  

I pray one day you find yourself. I pray sooner than later. And I pray you don't lose everyone who truly cared about you. 

Goodbye, old friend. I will always miss what we once had. Be good to yourself. 

Me